The Uncharted Zone...

Bed Stuy, Jordans...

WTF

INDEPENDENCE, Iowa –

An Iowa woman has been arrested because she failed to return a library book.
Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping "The Freedom Writers Diary," which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.
Police say the book — which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write — is valued at $13.95.
Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.
Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area.

Sweet quote... what does that word mean again???

Stupid...

LAGOS, Nigeria – One of Nigeria's biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.
The paper quoted police spokesman Tunde Mohammed as saying that while one suspect escaped, the other transformed into a goat as he was about to be apprehended.
The newspaper reported that police paraded the goat before journalists, and published a picture of the animal.
Police in the state couldn't immediately be reached for comment.
Belief in black magic is widespread in Nigeria, particularly in far-flung rural areas.

stupid...

stupid...

How Much Is A 14-Year-Old Worth?

$16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.



GREENFIELD, Calif. (AP) - Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.

Police said they only learned of the deal after the 36-year-old man went to them to get his daughter back because payment wasn't made as promised. The man was arrested Sunday on suspicion of human trafficking.

Officers also arrested an 18-year-old man on suspicion of statutory rape. Investigators believe the girl went willingly with the man, but she's under California's legal age of consent and can't legally marry.

Police say arranged marriages involving underage girls have become a problem in this small Central Coast farming community.

Ninja Bandit Can NOT Be Stopped!!!

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – A ninja, or at least someone dressed like one, is lurking in the shadows of Palm Beach County.
The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office says a heavyset man with a visible potbelly and a ninja costume unsuccessfully tried to steal two different ATMs over the past two weeks.
Security video from the automated teller machines showed the unidentified man dressed in a black ninja outfit with a hood that showed only his eyes.
Authorities say the first attempt was made at a bank on Dec. 29 and the second at a Walgreens on Tuesday. Authorities did not say how the man tried to steal the machines.

WTF! WTF! WTF!

You have to click on it...

IMPORTANT LATE-BREAKING NEWS !!!

Obama ate lunch today... at Ben's Chili Bowl in Washington DC... he had a sausage topped with onions, and chili cheese fries.

Now you can go on with your lives...

YES.

Thanks to Justin for this one...

Stupid...

STOW, Ohio – A man may have tipped his intentions when he stood in line at an Ohio bank wearing a ski mask before staging a holdup. Police in Stow near Akron said 24-year-old Feliks Goldshtein of Highland Heights was arrested minutes later on Thursday following a brief car chase.
Police said the teller asked the man to take off the mask before being served. At that point the man displayed what turned out to be a toy gun and told the teller to give him all the money.
Police Captain Rick Myers said it's unusual for a masked robber to wait in line at a bank.
Goldshtein was being held at the Summit County Jail Friday on charges of aggravated robbery and failure to comply with a police order. He had an afternoon court appearance scheduled.

Get Off. Get Out.

Cairns, Australia -

A local sex shop has been experiencing a rash of strange crimes in which the criminal smashes through the walls of the store and steals blow-up dolls for romantic interludes.

"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," said the store's owner. "It is totally bizarre. It is a real concern that someone like that is out on the street."

The offender is both discriminating (he has taken a particular liking to a blow-up model called "Jungle Jane," which was stolen on both break-ins) and weirdly gentlemanly (he always cleans up after himself). The culprit could also be described as "extremely stupid," since he left his, sperm, DNA, and fingerprints all over his ill-gotten partners.

Man wants kidney back from his wife as part of the divorce settlement...

$1.5 million or his kidney back-
That's the strange ultimatum a New York surgeon has given his estranged wife.

Dr Richard Batista donated his kidney to his wife Dawnell in 2001. His attorney claims that she began having an extramarital affair a couple of years after the transplant. She filed for divorce in 2005.

Dr. Batista decided to go public after four years of divorce negotations. He wants the donated kidney back, but will accept $1.5 million in compensation.

Mrs Batista and her attorney had no comment on the suit.

The couple has three children, ages, 8, 11 and 14.

Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout

Porn! : Now Featuring Vincent Van Gogh

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry.

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

Francis said in a statement that “the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."

“We should be delivering [the request] by the end of today to our congressmen and [Secretary of the Treasury Henry] Paulson asking for this $5 billion dollar bailout,” he told CNN Wednesday.


Flynt and Francis concede the industry itself is in no financial danger — DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow.

But the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

So far, there has been no congressional reaction to the request.

Middle Finger Salute...

BEIJING (AFP) – A Chinese speed skater has been banned from national competition for a year after he gave a "one-fingered salute" to spectators who had jeered him, according to state press. Song Xingyu, 20, stuck his middle finger up at the crowd after crossing the finish line of the 10,000m event at the National Games in northeast China on Sunday.

"I apologise to all the spectators. I shouldn't have made that gesture," Song said afterwards, according to the China Daily, although he insisted he had been provoked.

"I did it because some people attacked me verbally and abused my parents. I was furious."

Song, who finished out of the placings representing China's northeast Heilongjiang province, had directed his gesture at members of the crowd from rival Jilin province. Song's apology was not enough to save him from the wrath of China's sports administrators, who are famous for their strict discipline and harsh punishments. The Heilongjiang sports bureau banned him from training and competing for 12 months, according to the China Daily.

"During the sanction period, Song should meditate on his mistake deeply and write a self-criticism," the bureau said in a statement. Among the other Chinese athletes to have faced tough punishments in recent years was table tennis player Chen Qi, who was sent to military boot camp in 2006 after he kicked a chair during a tournament in Japan.
And in 2004, four table tennis players were kicked off the national team for dating teammates as this was seen as jeopardising preparations for the Athens Olympics.

POO-EY!!!

MILWAUKEE (Jan. 6) - A whopper about a devious baby and his diapers is the top lie of 2008, an organization of champion fibbers declared Monday.

The Burlington Liars Club bestowed its top award for this line: "My grandson is the most persuasive liar I have ever met. By the time he was 2 years old he could dirty his diaper and make his mother believe someone else had done it."
Garth Seehawer, 71, of Oconto Falls, said he took immense pride in having crafted the 2008 Champion Lie.
"When you're the best in the world at something, sure, that's an honor," he said, insisting with a chuckle that his background as a lawyer gave him no advantage.

Four judges picked Seehawer's lie out of about 160 entries.
The six runners-up included a fib about air passengers watching the movie "Cocoon" when turbulence hits, spilling water from the screen and causing the airliner's life rafts to inflate.

The Burlington Liars Club got its start in 1929 when local journalists Otis Hulett and Mannel Hahn fabricated a news story about a lying contest between the Burlington police and fire departments. The police chief won after he said he'd never be good at lying because he never told a lie.

From those beginnings, the club expanded to about 2,000 members around the world, said Eddie Impens, the club's vice president. It's headquartered in Burlington, a town about 35 miles southwest of Milwaukee.
Impens, who owns a lumber company, said most of this year's entries came from Wisconsin, though one arrived from Canada. He expected more entries from France, which historically has produced the best lies entered from overseas, he said.

A telephone conversation with Impens is fraught with lighthearted skepticism. He answers questions easily, but occasionally adds with a quick laugh, "You know, I could be lying to you about all this." A lifetime membership in the Liars Club costs $1. It grants the holder the right to submit an unlimited number of fibs each year.

Concocting a good lie isn't a matter of diligence, Seehawer said. Usually, the spark of an idea pops into his head, and he lets it percolate for a while before typing it out and submitting it. He came close to capturing the club's top honor about 12 years ago with the observation that a winter breeze was so stiff it blew off his brother's bald spot, leaving him with a full head of hair.

"A good lie isn't just a tall tale or exaggerating," he said. "You have to have something fun, not believable but impossibly true."

The Young And Restless...

WICOMICO CHURCH, Va. (Jan. 6) - A 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family's sedan -- and crashed.

His parents were charged with child endangerment. State police said the boy suffered only minor injuries and authorities drove him to school after he was evaluated at a local hospital for a bump on his head. He arrived shortly after lunch, Sgt. Tom Cunningham said.

It happened around 7:40 a.m. Monday on Route 360, about 61 miles east of Richmond.
The boy, whose name wasn't released, missed the bus, took the keys to his family's 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.
He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.
The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.
"He was very intent on getting to school," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. "When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE."
His parents, Jacqulyn Deana Waltman, 26, and David Eugene Dodson, 40, are each charged with child endangerment, Wilkins said. Waltman is being held without bond. Dodson was released on a $5,000 bond.
It was not clear if they had attorneys.
The boy and his 4-year-old brother were placed in protective custody.
"This really is a story of miracles," Wilkins said. "The Lord was with him, along with everybody else on the highway."

Be Quick, Be Quit... ?

CHICAGO - The robber's threatening note made a Chicago bank job easy to solve: The FBI says the suspect wrote it on his pay stub.

An FBI affidavit says the man walked into a Fifth Third Bank on Friday and handed a teller a note that read "Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I'll shoot." The robber got about $400 but left half of his note.

Investigators found the other half outside the bank's front doors.

Authorities say that part of the man's October pay stub had his name and address.

The suspect was arrested at his Cary home. A judge ordered him held without bond Monday. If convicted of bank robbery, he faces 20 years in prison.